hey....





im in the library right now board as hell and i dont know what to do. lol. ok for some new news. i talked to matt yesterday and he said that it was understandable why i didn't want to talk to him before and i also, told him that i was sorry and i missed him and his responce was ok i kind of miss u to. yeah it hurt but what can i do. also, im not dateing grant aparently i never was so thats just a amazing. lol im so mean. well im out gotta do um.... work. yeah right!

I think i am dateing Grant right now but im not sure. i dont really know if i am and if i am what 2 do about it. i think im just gonna think about it and deal with it 2morrow. Sooooo...











Good Night 2 everyone and i will write 2morrow after work.. yeah!!! work!! cant wait






























peace out like a girl scout!!


















22222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222222!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

time for a quick up date.





i feel like a complete ass hole because i think i really hurt matt. i mean i told him that i really love him but this whold just being friends thing was messing w/ me head and i just couldn't do it any more. and so i told him that it would probably be best for now if we just didn't talk. and he hung up before i could explain my self. i dont know what 2 do i mean i feel really bad and i still love him its just he really hurt me and i just need 2 move on, because there is no chance of us getting back together.

ok for somthing happy / not.
i am going 2 my sophmore dance and i have a date, however, the kid im going with really likes me and i just want 2 be friends and im not sure i want 2 go with him anymore i mean i dont want 2 be a bitch and tell him that but, well i dont know what im gonna do i still have like 2 weeks to figure shit out.


my doctor is an asshole because she is the one who gives me my meds and she said if she cant do a full exzamination then i dont get my refill. and i was like hell nooo'ssss i dont know u and your not my regular doctor and i dont feel comfortable at all. well needless 2 say meg was a bitch and walked out and meg never got her refill ending in meg is FUCKED.

also, i did somthing really not good at all and i regret it and i dont know what 2 do about it. i mean how 2 fix it. i really feel bad and i dont know how i could fix this or if i even can. HELP!!!!!

hey i have time for a quick update, my principal is not going to be here next year he is going to cranston west so im wicked excited about this, yup new principal to break in, kayla i wish you were here to help me with the job, lol. um................... just got suspended for 3 day for flipin out on some sped. um... i guess thats it for now so yup im out like a girl scout.

hey im in school right now and i am still crying. he really hurt me and i dont know how to handle it all. it wasn't fareto me that this was random and his reason isn't really logical. i love him so much and i just want to be with him. there are so many questions going through my head right now like what if he meets another girl when we aren't together. things like that, and i just wish this never happened. i really do. i woke up this morning crying because i knew it was real and i wasn't going to fx things. i nned kayla here because i need her to help me through this mess. i have helped her through alot and when i need her the most i blame her mom because he had to move away to hick ville and take her with her. i miss her so much right now and i really need her advise well its not like she hasn't givin it to me. there also, has to be more to this whole thing, i mean he needs time to himself, he gets it all the time, i see him like 2 times a week anyways if i am lucky. i miss him and i love him and i dont know why he is doing this. he is killing me inside and he doesn't seem to care at all. this doesn't feel like he really loves me even though he says he does. i cant do this anymore i need out!!!!!!!

Well my lfe is completely over. Matt just broke up with me because he said he needs time to him self and he is really stressed out with school and shit. i mean thats what he said but i guess no matter what he says it will never seem like it's the answer i want. i love him so much and i just want to be with him. i knew somthing was different when he came home from flordia he was like a different person. Kaela what happened like what did he say. i mean even if it will hurt me i still want to know the truth. he says he still loves me and he feels like an ass hole and he should. he broke my heart and i dont know what to do now. i cant stop crying and things will never be the same between us. i dont know what going to happen. he said most liking we will go back out but he broke my heart once what will happen if he does it agin.

Hey its sunday and im having a little family party danielle and rob came and matt is here but he doesn't seam to be having fun but oh well what ever. so well im gonna do back to my guest im just here for a little update kk peace

hey im in the library right now really board. waiting for the bell to ring so i can go to lunch. and see people. nothing really is new. matts grandfather died so that sad but not really because i have no clue who this guy is. but ok. ahhh!!! im board with nothing to do. im in study right now and then i have art last with rob ewww child malster lol j/k not!!!! so im gonna um go some where not sure yet maybe i will just go home ok peace

sitting in the library kayla i miss you i will try and call you i just have been fighting with my mom so i think i am going to crystals house tonight if the plans all work out. she is being such a bitch you have no idea. she made me walk to school today well we were in the car and she is like in the car and she said to me get out. shannon was in the car to. and she was like if she is going to walk i want to walk with her. she is such a bitch i cant stand her. i will call you lata though

Hey well, i now have time for a full update. i am broken i was just told by the doctors that i have JRA not good at all and also, my knee transplant is being rejected by my body also not good. tonight i am going to the motley crue concert with matt this is gonna be so much fun i can wait. kayla i miss you, you need to come home. lol. im hanging out with miss.b right now because i cant do gym untill im cleared by the hospital people. Kaela i gave her your address for you, like 2 seconds ago. um... what elses is new. nothing really. oh yeah kayla your friend that likes me is weard explanation lata. well i gtg because im board and cant think of anything else to type.
peace out boy scout

2 more days untill me and mathew gallo bean go to the motley crue concert i cant wait
peace bitches

hanging out with miss.b skipping gym oh yeah go me lol

hey its been a while sence i wrote, nothing is new, and yeah
peace

Im so fucking pissed at the world right now and mostly everyone in it. today has turned out to be suck a shitty day!!!!!!!The only good thing is kayla is coming home yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! kayla when you read this call me i need to talk to you like soon. im gonna explode!!!!!its sucks well im gonna go die

Hey its been a couple of days sence i posted in my lj. so here is wants been going on. me and matt got into a really huge fight on friday because that was the only day we could see eachother but he wanted to go see him friends corey. well i never saw him then. saturday i had to work oh yeah that was so much fun... eyah i wanted to die. kill my self. and sunday it snowed so much but i did get to seee matt however, i think he didn't wanted to see me well i mean come over he was sick and he was like omg my head hutrts and shit like that so i did what any good girlfriend would do i took care of him. even though i dont think he thanked me for it. ass hole. lol i love him. tommrrow is valintines day. i got him noting yet i dont know what to get him. i dont know if we are going anyting. but what ever. through out this weekend i talked to kayla and a bunch of people only like 5 more days untill kayla comes home. im wicked excited. um.. lets see what else is new. my mom is being a royal cunt lately. but its her so i need to expect it. i made this new friend crystal she is really cool. kayla i know you will like her we will all have to hang out some time. well. im board writeing this so im gonna go now. i will write lata peace!!!!!!!!!

Hey its friday and im really mad at matt. i cant see him during the week because of my grade and we both work on the weekends and today is the only day we can see eachother but nooooo!! he doesn't want to see me he wants to go party with corey. he is starting to scare me. he is starting to make me think he doesn't want to be with me anymore. what should i do?

Im in class right now sitting next to rob and he is a pain in the ass

Stayed home from school today because yes... meaghan is sick very very sick. however, matt is coming over to take care of me.

Dying Inside

Something so hard
goes straight to the soul;
it seems impossible to get over
and my heart is left with a big hole.

I'm trying to be happy, wearing a smile;
but I'm dying inside.
The world seems to be fading,
and I just want to run and hide.

Everywhere I go I see your face,
and realize how much I miss you;
and on the day you died
a piece of me died too.














Never Alone

I feel you in the morning
When at first I awake
Your thought is with me
With each decision I make

You'd been around forever
Since the first breath I took
Now I have to go on alone
But for love, I need not look

Cause by what you bestowed
In our short time together
Will last in my heart
Forever and ever

Although you've left
And now walk above
I'm never alone
I'm wrapped in your love

Enjoy now your long waited reward
Feel peace that your love continues on
What was taught to me, will be taught to mine
Cause you live on in me even after you've gone













Nearly Unnoticed

She is lonely
Even though you can't tell
She is reaching out
For what, she doesn't know
She will continue to sit in silence
And hope that someone may stumble across
Her and all of her emptiness
But they only hope that they do it in time
Otherwise she will have drifted too far
And she may let go
Of whatever grasp of the world she has
As she slowly fades out of the lives of everyone
Nearly unnoticed.


DIE CORY DIE CORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Im in class right now board as hell i feel like shit and um im tired, yeah my day is going just great so far! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!